It's Been a Long Journey

As I sat there intentionally attempting to quiet my mind, it came to me. A thought. And while I know that the whole point in quieting the mind is to rid oneself of chatter, I also believe it's in those moments that the important thoughts get through. I took a deep, long breathe. Then let it out slowly, with focus, as I had been taught to do years ago in massage school. I felt the cool breeze on my skin and attuned my attention to the bird calling out, high above in the trees. And for those moments I was in the moment. A peaceful moment. For me, it's during those moments that my creativity ebb and flows following the wave of the wind. So after a hiatius away from this sacred space, where I have shared my visions and struggles, I am back. My journey back to mindfullness, and regain my spirit, begins.

Today was day one. And it's been good. I set the timer for twenty minutes. I teetered to thirty, but recognized in myself the need to start slow if my intention is to be successful. The dogs were sent inside, so I could have the sacred space of my backyard, free from barking. This backyard has such a spirit, surrounded by beautiful trees and wildlife. But the dogs are more focused on the man walking his dog, or the kids riding their bikes. They break the air's silence with loud noises of discontent. And so they stayed indoors. Ironically it is one of the reasons I am reminded of the importance to find this space for myself. The House of Zen as a sanctuary and rescue is meant to be a peaceful, tranquil place where animals roam freely and contently. But my break from mindfulness over the past couple of years, can be seen in my dogs as well, and in the way I interact with them. And so I do this for them, in as much as I do it for myself.

While acknowledging, through feeling the warm rays of the sun, I was visited by one of our cats. He was demanding my attention, forcing his head below my palm. It broke the silence in my mind and I wondered if I was going to have to put him indoors as well. But because the air was still quiet, I turned my thoughts to the feeling of his fur. And the rhythm of his gestures. And before I knew it I was mindfully connecting with him. Experiencing his unconditional bond. And a little drool. Oh Hunter.

Twenty minutes went by, and while there were just a couple of moments where I was suddenly focused on the time, the majority of time was spent getting back into the flow of meditation.

It's been a long journey to say the least. Sometimes it seems like a lifetime. And in reality it has been a lifetime, of learning. But two years ago I was much more connected than today. Two years ago I was financially stable which freed my thoughts to reach my highest level of self awareness. I was inspired to follow my dreams of the House of Zen and to put real creative thought to making it happen. I allowed myself to rescue and truly participate in the vision, even if it was on a small level. I was living a motivated life, with vision boards, daily meditation videos and full of creative productivity. But the realization of just how unstable my financial footprint was, came smashing down, along with a job I had been a part of for the better part of a century of work. And suddenly my mindful serenity was in broken pieces and my ability to stay focused on the dream faded.

Ironically it would take a new opportunity, in a profession I had hoped to keep sidelined, to give me the breathing space, by financially coming up for air. And with that long awaited breathe, a shift in the tide, back to me. And to my dreams.

And in that quiet space today, I realized that the House of Zen is not just the sanctuary and rescue vision for animals, but it's also the space where my best self and my spirit align. Because it's only when I am at my best, feeling aw inspired with creativity abound, can I truly provide that space for the voiceless animals that need my help.

It's good to be back, even if to start again.